Healing From Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal is a form of trauma that can cause profoundly deep-rooted trust issues with a lasting impact affecting relationships of all kinds, especially intimate ones. However, you can heal from the effects of betrayal if you are willing to do the necessary personal work. I cannot tell you it will be an easy journey, yet what I can guarantee is that your relationships will become healthier and happier, and your choices of who to engage in close relationships more whole.

All relationships require a measure of trust and vulnerability. Intimate ones require the highest level of openness. Therefore, when trust has been broken, the price can be very hefty to the relationship because the first causality becomes trust followed by the unwillingness or inability to remain vulnerable. When betrayal happens in a relationship and trust is broken, it is extremely hard to gain it back from the person who violated the trust. Yet, it also becomes difficult to even trust others who had nothing to do with the betrayal because human nature moves a person to prepare themselves for the next betrayal, let-down, or a preoccupation with looking for the hidden agenda or ulterior motive. Furthermore, if a trigger occurs, they may also immediately jump to the conclusion that someone is lying or being dishonest. This is the result of Post-Traumatic Stress (PTS), which is a common response to experiencing a traumatic or stressful event. Betrayal is a root cause of PTS in relationships, but when the situation is more extreme or severe, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can become the result. PTSD resulting from Betrayal Trauma can not only interfere with trust, it can also interfere with intimacy, because intimacy requires vulnerability. People with trust issues often go through all sorts of attempts to avoid feeling vulnerable. In many cases they would rather be alone than to risk being hurt.  

Often, trust issues are buried deep down and hidden below the surface only to find their way to the light when psychological stimulus occurs that prompts an involuntary recall of a previous traumatic experience. This is referred to as a trauma trigger. Betrayal, infidelity, and various forms of domestic abuse are examples of situations that can cause a very severe traumatic experience with lasting impact because it involves a person or people whom are the closest to us and people with whom there is implicit trust and vulnerability. Relationships require trust and vulnerability, and ironically this is the area where relationships experience the first challenge. When two people unite, more often than not, they both come with trauma from infidelity and/or betrayal of some sort, and that becomes the first hurdle that must be jumped over. Other hurdles may include family hurdles, past relationship hurdles, friendship hurdles, children from previous relationship hurdles, work hurdles, and the transition from singleness to married life hurdles.

Regardless as to how long a person has carried the weight and burden of betrayal or the lack of trust, when an event happens, therein they are presented with a beautiful and profound opportunity to lighten the load and accomplish an extraordinary amount of healing. Yet, they must be willing to confront the trust issues and allow themselves to become vulnerable and trust again. This is not to say to open up to toxic people who are not trustworthy, it is instead to say, give yourself the opportunity to love or love again and experience relationships how the Universe intended them to be experienced.

If you are personally willing to do the work, you can make a clean jump and “clear” the hurdles. However, it will take both individuals in the couple working together to confront the challenges head on and it will take both individuals in the couple doing their part to give the relationship what is needed to achieve a healthy balance. If the two are willing to work as one and to dissolve their individual pride, ego, and limiting beliefs, they can most certainly experience the profound blessing of a healthy and whole shared-life experience with an intimate connection.

Relationships are sacred and deserve the utmost levels of respect and consideration. When two people make the commitment to enter into a marital state, understand that you are entering into a process that requires you to work diligently; yet with that work comes the greatest amount of rewards.

Any trust issues that exist from previous trauma is not baggage, it is an opportunity to grow and heal with a healing partner on life’s journey. Establishing a healthy space for healing is of the greatest importance. The following four points go a long way in creating a safe environment for healing from trust issues and betrayal trauma.

• Acknowledge trust issues.
• Root out trust issues.
• Communicate openly and clearly.
• Learn to diligently speak your partner’s love language.

The following courses of action help to root out and heal trust issues.

• Love One Another
• Be Honest
• Be Faithful
• Put Each Other First
• Patiently and Lovingly Talk and Work Through Concerns
• Consistently Reassure
• Build Intimacy
• Become Vulnerable
• Perform Acts of Kindness
• Take Interest and Participate in Each Other’s Interests
• Establish a Healthy Sexual Relationship
• Be Gentle With One Another’s Heart and Mind
• Establish a Stable Home Environment
• Continue to Date One Another
• Become Best Friends
• Shut Out the World When Necessary
• Build Strong Family Connections
• Do Things As a Family
• Use “Us” and “We” More than “I” am “Me”